Wear Blue/Warrior 100 Oct 29, 2023 Washington DC #60

“Faith is the power that enables the unlikely to accomplish the impossible.” -Russell M Nelson

Words on my heart leading up to the Warrior 100 run with Wear Blue Run to Remember. Was feeling relieved and grateful that No Business #59 was behind me, but though the planned route through Washington DC was paved and flat, having run the same areas before I knew it could be painful and slow, and heavy with traffic or obstacles. Also, I would have many eyes on me running which is sooo out of my comfort zone! Along with some knee pain from NB, I was definitely worried I would be self-consciously slow, injured, or sick during the run.

We had a busy week with Hannah and the girls at home. Not only did I have to get in all the baby time that I could get, but I was also scheduled for a tooth extraction surgery on Tuesday. That was pretty miserable and as late as Friday morning before I was supposed to stand up and give a little speech at the Wear Blue dinner in a fancy club in Washington DC, my face was still bruised and puffy. I did get in an 8-mile run Friday morning without any pain so my knee had at least seemingly recovered. The day we were leaving to DC in the evening was the last warm day of autumn that I would be in town, so I had to get beehive inspections done. Some of my hives had some issues so it ended up being a lot of work getting them ready for winter. It was fun to let Ellie dig into a frame of honey with her sticky little fingers!

The dress I was going to wear to the dinner I found had a hole and stitching it up looked super tacky so we were running out the door trying to get Hannah & the girls loaded and get into DC in time to find our hotel, grab some pizza for the babysitters and be ready to be at the dinner by 6:30 pm and add in a stop into Ross to try and find a dress. I would have missed it because it was in the wrong size, but it was just the right color and style, and the price was right for $16. Felt like my mom, my shopping guardian angel, was with us, lol. I was relieved I had a dress! I'd packed a second dress, the one I wore to Dexters funeral, for the incredible opportunity to participate at a wreath laying for Wear Blue at Arlington Cemetery. All in all, a crazy day trying to get to Washington DC!

After several months of making plans and launching the Warrior 100 campaign to bring awareness to military and veteran suicide, zoom calls, some podcasts & interviews, the big night finally arrived. I shouldn't be nervous speaking to a room full of like-minded runners and military support people, near and dear to my heart, but I was going to tell them about my little mission to run 100 100s, and my why, my Dexter, and what was important to me. It felt...hard. Hannah made me feel better by encouraging me to just pray for the words I needed, and the holy spirit would deliver the message that needed to be said to the hearts who needed to receive it. After several prays, and a blessing and a quick prayer at the event in the bathroom we were seated at a fancy table with Lisa Hallett, the beautiful and extremely capable Executive Director of Wear Blue and the Honorable Ashish Vazirani, Undersecretary of Defense for Personnel and Readiness. As the centerpiece on the table was a small “Blue Mile” picture of Dexter, and Lisas husband John Hallett. Got my heart. It was surreal.

We had my good friend Margaret's daughter babysitting the girls in the hotel so that Hannah could attend with us. For the meet and greet we met up with Sarah and Derry, my two amazing friends from Wear Blue who flew in from England and out guests at the dinner. And of course, lovely Margaret! It was so fun to see them and be there together. Being treated like a VIP, on came some inevitable introductions and small talk and meeting people which was actually really great, met a really cute awesome couple with the last name Wagnon, so we hit it off like we were long lost family with a last name hard to pronounce. When 3-star LT General Stitt came over and started asking questions about my runs, that's when the pressure hit! He was so kind and asked me lots of questions and listened intently. When I spotted another, I thought, what could I possibly say to this crowd with Generals in it, about my own personal journey as a suicide survivor, it would pale in comparison to all their experience.

The time came during the dinner salad I had to get up. I'd written down everything I wanted to say but I tried for the most part, to speak from the heart about the challenges faced by suicide survivors. I shared a little of Jake and Jenn Crewson's story. To be honest I really can't remember what else I said, but I was surprised I only choked on my words a couple times. I almost said “In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen” like I'd just given a talk at church, haha, but caught myself and sat down and enjoyed the rest of the dinner. Jason caught it on video, it's not great but it's out there!

(2) Reception Speech WearBlue RunToRemember Marine Corps Marathon 2023 - YouTube The Undersecretary spoke about honoring through effort and told the room about how he had lost his father and later his sister to suicide. After the dinner I put my arm around him and expressed my sorrow at his loss, and the difference between his status and me as a mom disappeared and we were just two survivors supporting each other. It was so powerful. I met several outstanding people after the dinner. One family reaclly touched my heart, mom Melissaj & daughter Madison. They lost their husband/father to suicide, on the same day Dexter died. Madison signed up to do some miles with me after the marathon. Such lovely girls with warm kind hearts and smiles. It felt like we were meant to meet. I was also thrilled to see Duane France from PsychArmor who I had done my first podcast with. I knew he was going to run the marathon but didn't think we'd run into each other. In fact I saw him multiple times through the weekend and after the incredible respect he paid to both Dexter and I when we did our interview, it was like seeing a long lost friend. An incredible person, combat vet and mental health professional. We finally made our way back to the hotel where little Lucy had been screaming. She'd given the babysitter such a hard time that Margaret's husband and older daughter came over to the hotel to help. Cuddled in bed with the girls a little. After Lucys screaming fit with the babysitter while trying to soothe her with chocolate, our hotel room looked like the scene of a murder, with chocolate handprints streaked on the walls, haha. Crazy little girls!

It was hard to unwind after such a special night, so I got less than 3-4 hrs of sleep before we had to get Hannah to the airport. I'd hadn't had a chance to eat so we stopped by McDonalds for some eggs & sausage then got back to the hotel just in time to change to head out to the National Mall, the Constitution gardens where Wear Blue was holding a “Circle of remembrance” and a shakeout run the morning prior to the Marine Corps Marathon.

I've seen pictures online of the Circle of Remembrance. Because I live in the country, am an introvert runner, do long distance, and am not into group runs, I've never felt the appeal to go into the city to join in the Circle of Remembrance, but since it's the day before Warrior 100 and I wanted to support Wear Blue all weekend, we met just before 8 with all the other folks dressed in blue for the morning run. Little did I know how much I have been missing out on, and how incredibly meaningful this circle is. Everyone socialized for a while before we got started, and I talked to some I'd met at the dinner the night before and met some new people, all were so friendly and kind and welcoming and excited to meet me, it was humbling.

Lisa asked if I would hold the flag. We began by standing in a circle and holding a moment of silence. Then everyone was silent as we went around the circle and each person said the name or names and ranks of what service member they were honoring. It was such a sacred space, and so emotional. I wanted to catch every name and memorize every face. Jason and I only said PFC James Dexter Morris, not wanting to hold up the line with the 4 other names I was carrying in my heart. Then I stood in the middle with the flag while a really wonderful lady named Donna sang the National Anthem. I don't know how one could sing after that circle of remembrance but it was beautiful. After that everyone left to circle around the mall for various distances of 1-5 miles and we stayed at the tent full of food & snacks, and worked out details for the upcoming time at Arlington Cemetery and the Marathon/100 on Sunday morning. I left that shakeout run having only run a few yards but my heart was so full and I prayed all day that I would do them proud at Arlington, and for the 100 mile run.

The most tremendous group of people. So many to name. It made my day to meet Mike and Lee in person, they've been behind all the planning for this weekend. Michael and Michelle Moore also, who lost their son Cpl Jacob Moore in 2022 in a training accident in Norway while on active duty. They were also special guests this weekend and I'd be laying the wreath with Michael at Arlington. Though grieving parents, the light of faith and love of God and their son shone in their eyes and it is a refined beauty born of pain and sanctified by spirit. It was an honor to speak with them. Also meeting Lorena, another angel mom from the online Wear Blue group. Just the love of our sons and mutual grief, was like we were suddenly best of friends. I wiped many tears from my eyes leaving the mall Saturday morning.

We hurried back to the hotel to change, shower, and get to Arlington Cemetery. We were supposed to meet by 11:15-11:30. With traffic, parking and the security line we were cutting it close and tried to hike as fast as possible while still being reverent, up the road of Arlington and past the countless graves to the tomb of the unknown soldier. Walking half a mile or more in dress shoes uphill gave me a blister on the back of my heel! I had to just ignore it as we met with one of the Old Guard and had our orientation meeting for how the laying of the wreath would be done. I had the chance to meet a couple of the big donors for the weekend. They would walk up to the memorial with us, but Michael and I would actually hold the wreath and help the soldier from the Old Guard lay it. If you read the history of the tomb and the highest of honors it is to be accepted as part of the army Old Guard to guard it, 24/7, 365 days a year, regardless of weather or national crisis, you can probably imagine how nervous I was to step into that space, to represent Wear Blue, Dexter, and all our fallen heroes to suicide. I felt it heavy on my shoulders. It was so solemn. I prayed and watched. Fortunately, a family went before us so I got a chance to watch what they did so that I would not make any mistakes. I forgot my blistered foot as the soldier who would lead us to the tomb reviewed our instructions again, kindly but stern, and we followed him for the wreath laying. I hadn't even thought about it, so wasn't emotionally prepared to hear TAPS play by an actual bugler from the Old Guard as we stood there at the tomb of the unknown soldier, hand over our hearts. A moment in time I will never, ever forget. So sacred and hallowed a place. In my mind I said the names PFC James Dexter Morris, Sgt Jacob Gray, SSgt Taylor Wilson, LCpl Jacob Crewson, PFC Morgan Daly. The sense of their presence was strong. I had the thought, if I never run another step in my life, I have done the best anyone possibly could for these boys, bringing their names to the tomb of the unknown soldier. Honor, Respect, Valor, Dignity, Spirit. I felt it all. The whole ceremony was maybe 5 minutes long, but I will never, never forget it. I can write the events, but I don't know that I can ever share what I felt in my heart. I hope to God that my Marines felt it.

After the ceremony, I was so relieved I did not trip or make any mistakes! It was amazing. It meant so much to me to see my bff Margaret, who has shared so many miles with me and crewed and given me aid, especially on my solo runs on Dexters angelversary, my best buddy Derry, though British, has an undying love of America, and Jason, my #1 support and coach and shares my depth of love for our country. They are both there for me every time I run 100 miles. Jason to crew, Derry with a video of support, saying Dexter's name and wishing me well - usually out doing his own run across an ocean, wearing blue. With that over I felt a sense of relief. Now all I had to do was run 100 miles, lol. Back into my comfort zone.

We went out to the lawn and had yet another circle of remembrance, in Arlington Cemetery, with a smaller group, those who had come to attend the wreath laying and had been standing in blue watching. General Stitt's wife, Beth, led the circle and we each said our names there in Arlington cemetery. Another sacred moment that you have to experience to appreciate. We headed back down the hill to our cars and ended up wandering the cemetery to see where one of Wear Blue's staff, Christine's, husband is buried. She was so kind and had given me the hat off her head for ice for the 100, plus procured me all kinds of Wear Blue gear, so I definitely wanted to honor her husband while we were there! It was just a few of us with Dan the photographer who is one of my most favorite people in the world right now. I met Dan earlier in the week and found out he'd be tailing me through the weekend to get pictures. Dans run several 70-mile ultras, so we were instantly friends with races and strategy to talk about. I had taken off my dress shoes to stop the blister from growing, and Dan, wanting to protect my feet, took off his sweaty socks and offered them to me to wear them. I didn't hesitate so I was walking the cemetery in my dress and Dans black running socks, haha. I just loved it because I dunno anyone but ultrarunners who would care more about their feet & not mind the weirdness of accepting sweaty socks, and I love that he wanted to make sure my feet would be good for tomorrows 100!

Well, after a long hot morning / early afternoon we finally got back to the hotel and changed out of our dress clothes and into some comfortable Wear Blue gear and met up with a videographer for about 30 minutes to do a video talking about Dexter and my runs. It was a lot of fun just chatting with the video crew.

We finally finished with the day's activities and could relax. We headed to Wendy's and Walmart for food. It was almost 4pm and we hadn't eaten since 5am! We bought way more groceries than we needed or that were on our budget, but I was starving. Mostly meat & cheese, olives, pork skins, some sugar free chocolate. I'd stayed lowcarb for the last few weeks with the marathon coming up in case I needed to be in a good fat burning zone. I was glad I had because the temps got up to 90 degrees on Saturday! October 28 in Washington DC. Crazy. Had to be close to record temps. I figured that may make or break my 100 miler when I had to switch to liquid calories and may not even be able to eat at all in the heat. Got to bed and mostly asleep by 8pm for a 4:30am morning start.

Jason was up and out the door before I was, he was headed to the Marine Corps Marathon Blue Mile, where our fallen would be honored with pictures and flags, including Dexter and my Marines, sponsored and run by Wear Blue and its volunteers. 30k marathon runners would experience this in the course of the marathon. After he left, I'm trying to tape up every place that might blister or chafe, knowing in the heat chafing would kill my time! For laughs, here's a pic of the amount of leukotape I used.

After the girls had been in the hotel room, my deodorant and my water bottle for the race was missing, and my cooling race leggings had a hole, so I had to use Jason's deodorant, text Derry to see if he had a water bottle and change into thicker black pants that would potentially be hot. Luckily the temps had cooled down, but the humidity was thick. After prayers for the best possible 100-miler I could give for Wear Blue and the Warrior 100, for strength to get through the day, to execute well, stay hydrated and be able to perform my best, I headed out of the hotel with my pack on in the dark to meet Derry at his hotel a mile away. I immediately got lost and couldn't figure out how to navigate gps among the tall hotel buildings. After wandering for a few minutes and looking pathetic, an older couple asked if I needed help and walked me to the appropriate street. I was still nervous that I was off in my directions till I found the Marine Corps Marathon shuttle and Derry was nearly there to meet me. PHEW. Safely on our way to the Pentagon. We got off the stuffy shuttle bus and made our way to meet other Wear Blue runners for a pre–Marathon Circle of remembrance and a moment of silence. Derry had a video call with his wife and girls from back home in England and it was so charming and sweet to hear them all wishing us luck. They all know me by name and also appear in Derry's support videos for Dexter and I. Was sweet and special! I was grateful at the circle of remembrance to have those moments of quiet, unembarrassed to say a quick prayer and the names of my Marines.

Feeling good, after some fun chatting with other Wear Blue marathon runners and pit stop, we made our way to the start. I like the small crowds of a few 100 people at ultramarathons. There was an estimated 30,000 running MCM. An endless # of people where I was just one of sooo many in a crowd, but with my wear blue shirt and boys pinned on my pack, I knew this race was different for me. We had a really cool flyover, a ditch behind a bush for a quick pee and arthritis cream rubbed into my knee and we were off.

The first few miles I was feeling great, but my heart rate started running high -160's and keeping our 10-11 min mile pace was a struggle. Seeing all the young Marines in their cammies brought me to tears at several points, I tried to say thank you or wave or thumbs up to every single Marine I saw on the course volunteering. Found out about mile 24 it was high because I was about to start my period, but the super thick humidity of the morning didn't help. The air was a comfortable temperature, but we were sweating hard and using water stations to dump water over our heads. The course was so beautiful, a nice mix of city, town and parks with autumn leaves.

I had probably 1000 calories in my pack, but I went through them pretty quickly. Marathons are not ultras when it comes to aid stations. Water, nuun, Gatorade and 1 single item of sugar at each food station. Jellybeans, gummies and some kind of thick coffee flavored syrup/gel was pretty much it. If I was quitting at 26.2 wouldn't be a big deal but usually in a 100 miler you are using those early miles to pack in calories. I ate everything I had, orange slices & payday bars, and tried to fill up on several cups of electrolyte hoping they had decent calories. When we got the cliff gels, I ate like 3 packages of them trying to catch up on calories. I was feeling off, hot, sweaty, but was trying to push solidly to keep a good pace with Derry. He saved my pallet a few times with handfuls of mildly salty pistachios.

I was so grateful he chose to come out and run this marathon as my pacer for Warrior 100. I know he could finish much faster than the pace I was going, but his main concern was helping me find the sweet spot of pushing, without risking a crash later on. I thought he did a fantastic job. Every Wear Blue runner he spotted on the course he greeted and cheered on. It was such a great feeling of camaraderie. My favorite moment was on an out and back, seeing Cpl Jacob Moore's father, Michael, out pushing up a hill, giving his all. We both shouted and waved. Margaret was out early for a quick cheer of support & got to give her a big hug. At mile 12-ish we finally arrived at the “Blue mile” a mile marked by posters of fallen military. It is maybe one of the most powerful, moving things I have experienced. We slowed our pace as we ran past the faces, and I whispered every single name out loud as I passed. First or last, there wasn't time for more. When I came across my Marines, Taylor, Jacob, Jake, Morgan, I was overcome with emotion. It was like seeing my own sons pictured, we've shared so many miles, even Morgan, it's still been several hundred miles I've carried him. I've had opportunities through races to get a sense of feel for their unique spirits and strengths when things are hard, and I need help. Seeing them honored properly among other fallen warriors was more than I could hope for. I had tears streaming down my face. When I finally saw Dexter the buildup of emotion was so great that I almost collapsed on the ground in front of his poster. Derry, being the kind, amazing friend he is, caught me and I sobbed for a few moments. It's just not fair that Dexter is gone, but here he was, lined up with heroes where his heart would have him placed. I gathered my composure, and we kept running through to the end of the blue mile. I also noted a few others like Lorena's son Juan, and almost as moving as Dexter, LCpl Brodie Gillon's beautiful face. Derry's lovely friend in the British forces, KIA in March 2020. He had about the same emotional breakdown as I did, and I stood with reverence as he paid his tribute. Feeling her goodness. Photo worth a thousand words.

After the images of the fallen, the solemnity is changed to cheering and encouragement and support for runners, as Wear Blue volunteers holding American Flags, one for each hero in the mile, cheer on runners. It was super emotional to see Jason, Sarah and Keri Jacobs from 22 too many there. Sarah was holding Dexters flag. She pinned his ribbon on me and we had tears and hugs, and I cried when I saw Jason and hugged him too. Just really can't describe the feeling of running that mile, but it is something I will never forget and from here on out I will find a way to be a part of that mile, every year.

Lisa Hallett jumping in to run a few minutes with us. Shes such a hero.

Things got rough the last hour. The sun came out, a medical helicopter had landed, and we heard someone was getting cpr. I was slowing down and too tired to enjoy the sights on the mall. As we crossed an exposed and extensive bridge, there was no shade, no wind, and most of the runners around us crawled to a walk. We mostly managed a slow jog. Runners were starting to be seen standing or sitting on the edges of the road, looking sick. Derry spied a woman out of the corner of his eye and caught her just as she fell, almost completely passed out. Because he's a military medic, he stopped and stayed with her until some Marines ran over to help. Margaret was waiting at the far side of the bridge with a baggie of ice for me. I threw it in the hat and between that and shade from buildings, an open fire hydrant shower and a slight breeze that kicked up, the next 6 miles went by fairly quickly, though the last 2 miles were also exposed, and it was hot as the sun came out and shade disappeared the final stretch to the finish. Derry grabbed my hand to help me, and we ran together for a bit. When he let go I grabbed it again and asked if he would hold my hand and be my stand in for Dexter as we crossed the finish line. It was very emotional. How grateful to have a friend who understands my heart and love for my son. Derry has run with Dexter and honored him now for 4 years and is so precious to my family. Even though it was "just" a marathon, it was THE Marine Corps Marathon, and it was exhilarating to cross the finish line.

It was a slow 5:20ish marathon. I'm not even exactly sure of the time... I was hoping for around 5, a solid 12-minute mile pace. It ended up being like a 12:22 mile pace which was fine for me, with 73.6 miles to go. Jason met us at the finish line, and I realized that 3 packs of cliff blocks were acting as a laxative, and I had to find a porta potty asap! It took us probably 20 minutes to work our way through the crowd, get our medal, and again through the crowd to find out way out to where there was a porta potty. It was a close one haha. After we took care of business, we made our way out to where the Wear Blue Team was. Man, they were so great. They made me feel like I was some all-star athlete, not just a country mamma running some slow unremarkable miles for her boy. They got me my drop bag and refueled with a whole team ready to go out with me. Dan my ultra buddy-photographer-sock man, Matt on a bike carrying hydration, calories, first aid etc. having just run the full marathon with his wife. He hopped on a bike to be my supply mule for the next 50k! Lisa Hallett and Derry. We picked up a couple others on the way and made our way down around below the Marine Corps monument to jump on the George Washington Mt Vernon trail. A beautiful, paved route down to Mount Vernon. The first few miles were shady, and I had refueled with electrolytes-and a couple bottles of carnation meal drinks. I was ready to put down some miles and it was honestly a big relief to be out of the crowd. I absolutely loved running with Dan, I'd been pushing hard through the marathon but as he's an ultrarunner, we'd come to a slight hill and he'd say, "Hey, this is a hill and it's hot, you need to walk this. "Haha. Thats my kind of talk! :-D

As the afternoon wore on it only got hotter. We heard the marathon shut down early and cut people off from finishing because the humidity and sun were creating dangerous conditions. I was feeling a little woozy myself but stayed hydrated with ice in my hat. I don't remember much about the first half of the long haul down to Alexandria. I was chatting with an awesome guy and I apologize my ultra brain has forgotten your name, but he bought me a slurpee which was absolute heaven. I slowed down for a bit and drank most of it, though I couldn't use the straw because of my tooth extraction. I was happy to say the stitches came out while I was running so it wasn't scratching my gums anymore. ha! Derry had run about 50k with me by this point, so it was time for him to ditch out to head to work. It was so meaningful to share so many miles together. It felt like the miles went by chatting, and either looking forward to hydration or trying to find a place to pee! It was a challenge and honestly it was the biggest worry I had about running with volunteers from Wear Blue, that'd I'd be with a bunch of runners who do short distances who may not understand nausea or dehydration pee, lol. I think/hope I managed to mostly be discreet.

A huge highlight on the route was having the cute married couple, the Wagnon's, my new adopted cousins, meet us along the course. They were cheering and made signs and brought me TACOS! We hugged and chatted for a few minutes before we had to keep going, but I was just astounded that these people who I'd only met briefly, were out cheering me on with TACOS! I managed to eat most of one. I carried two more in my pocket for several miles but finally it was so hot, I knew I wasn't going to be able to eat any solid calories for hours. Depressingly, I switched to a mostly liquid diet for the afternoon and handed off my tacos to be trashed or secretly eaten by someone else, lol.

Lisa Hallet was just awesome, she navigated us through the riverfront at Alexandria and even found me an inside bathroom to use that was air conditioned, with a cold water, bottle fountain so I could dump water on my head. I kept down Ginger ale & Mt Dew primarily. No meal drinks handy but that maybe was for the best. I was worried when I got a little nauseous, so I took some Zofran pretty early, by 9 hrs in. It did it's job, and the evening portion of the run was less uncomfortable and really fun.

After Alexandria I was joined by a bunch of new people, and I remembered all of their names at the time but now my brain is fuzzy. I loved running some miles talking to a Colonel I'd met at the dinner. His father had served this country all the way back to Vietnam, was a general, and just last year took his own life, after a incredibly long and illustrious military career. This young-looking colonel had a lot of joy and a shine in his face and fortunately understood suicide and was such an interesting and fun running companion. Still, it was such a heartbreaking story.

Donna with the tattoos was the best, a friend of Margarets, we hit it off with stories of our crippled knee & hip, and toilet humor stories. I think she ultimately did close to a full marathon with me!

I got to talk to everyone for a while as we kind of rotated through who was running next to me. The miles flew by as I was just so fascinated to hear each of their stories of their military service, connections to Wear Blue, etc. We were treated to a gorgeous sunset along the Potomac River and it was awesome to share some common love of George Washington and Mt Vernon as we finally arrived at the footsteps of his estate. It would have been so cool to run in, but we got a photo op at the sign, at least. I have such a love for these 5 folks, they were just amazing to spend the day with. A total honor for me.

A new batch of runners jumped in here. I was feeling pretty wiped out after the hot day though I don't think we were even at 50 miles yet. They were awesome, one of the girls was a Marine so I felt doubly honored to run with her. We did pull in a solid sub 12 hr. 50 so I was really happy about that! It got dark quickly, and I waited at the trailhead for all the new wear blue volunteers to run the stretch back up to through Alexandria to the Womens Memorial at Arlington where our aid station was set up for the night. This was such a great stretch of miles. I think maybe there were eventually 6 or 7 of us, as a few others jumped in at some point, including one of my best running friends Jenn who paced me at Grindstone. We just talked and had a great time. It cooled off I was feeling better, and we were keeping a decent pace. It even rained which felt amazing because I was putting ice in my hat for a while after dark. I knew everyone's name on the run, my ultra brain did not retain them. I need to figure out who they all are again and give my personal thanks to each one for giving so much of themselves on the trail. I think my absolute favorite thing about the stretch up to Alexandria was meeting the runner who was a Serbian citizen with a name couldn't respectfully pronounce well. I loved running with him and hearing his story about immigrating to America, leaving his family all behind in Serbia with just some yearly visits. Still, so far from home. He told me how he was going to try to become a dual citizen next year. I think he asked me, or I volunteered, what I do to help keep me going on the runs. I had him look up The Last Dying Breath song on youtube, which is a Sabaton song about the Serbian army and literally one of my all-time favorites, about the defense of the Serbian capitol in 1915. He loved the lyrics and historic quote in the song read in Serbian. "Soldiers, heroes, die for your land, your lives are gone, erased by your command. Until your last dying breath! “ If you know the song or the band, you understand.

We hit 60 miles in Alexandria and was feeling great about the time. It was nice to run ahead a little with Jenn as she talked to me about my miles, honoring Dexter, grief, running for heroes...just a few quiet minutes to ourselves making our way through the town on the bricked streets. We lost some wonderful runners after Alexandria, and I was especially sad to say goodbye to Pamela who later donated $1000 to the Wear blue Warrior 100 campaign in Dexters memory. She was so fun to run with and talk to. I am still just overwhelmed at her generosity and friendship...not only to come run with me but to also put funds towards making a difference. Meant so much to me! We picked up a DC national mall park ranger who told us all about what its like working on the mall and what an honor it is. That was an awesome time together. I wish I'd been a little faster so we could have actually done time together on the mall. Seeing the monuments from across the river at night was beautiful. So relieved to finally get back to the official aid station by about 65 miles, 100k out of the way, 35miles to go with loops around the mall. It was a relief to roll in and use a lighted bathroom and have everything I could want or need. That time of night it was manned by Mike and Misty, who were up all-night running things and being ready for anything I might need. Poor Misty, I straggled in every loop with her holding the door as I shot straight for the bathroom. Had to say goodbye to Jenn here, with a promise we'd probably do some running at Devil Dog 100 together next month. Such a great friend.

Unfortunately, after the heat my stomach wasn't terribly happy, so I stuck to Ginger Ale and a delicious thick chicken soup with noodles someone had made. They had a nice big cup with a lid waiting for me and eating something salty and warm was a big mood lifter. I had told them it would probably be a 28-hr. finish in the heat and with No Business in my legs, but I was really hoping for a 26-hour finish, so we got in and out of the Womens Memorial as quickly as possible. Seeing my own "blue mile" with my Marines choked me up.

I saw Jason for a few minutes which was great, he was letting Wear Blue do all the work this 100 miler, haha. This was probably around 12-1 am and my brain and body were wearing out. By some little miracle a couple of girls who came to run the next leg with me were both veteran pacers from the No Business 100-mile course which I finished last week. Having an attentive audience to talk about all the mishaps, course changes and great fun that No Business is, woke me up and was a great distraction. What's the chances I'd get NB runners out at that time of night with me? They were a blessing! It was a spectacular night on the mall. Aside from a few rats: shudder: we had the place virtually to ourselves. I can't remember the # of loops we did as we ran around. Somehow, I missed the Vietnam Memorial, but did make my way up the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, through the Korean & World War 2 Memorial, up to the George Washington monument where I gave the towering obelisk a hug, my affection for Washington goes so deep! Someone showed us the path to take to get to the backside of the US Capitol building which was AWESOME and awe inspiring at night, especially with a full moon and Jupiter shining brightly above the dome. I was still suffering from dehydration, realizing it can take me all night to balance out my hydration & sodium levels, so I just tried to not be **too self-conscious when I had to pee every mile, and grateful I had runners with me who had their wits about them to make sure I didn't hide behind a bush too close to the capitol building and end up under arrest. Most of the night from mile 65-85 is a blur and I can remember faces but not names. My favorite was having Lee and Lisa out running with me sometime early. Wear Blue staff that I'd shared several zoom calls and many emails with but getting out and putting miles down together for military & veteran suicide awareness was just so special to me. I don't know that they will ever understand what a precious gift they gave me this weekend, giving me a voice larger than I'd ever imagined sharing my feelings about veteran mental health, grief and suicide survivor support. Just so special. I felt like I was out with best friends. I loved doing the loop around the mall. It was pretty special to run up past the gates of Arlington Cemetery and into the Women's Memorial every single loop. I switched up and drank some Mountain Dew & Sprite but though it makes me gag, Ginger Ale was my primary fuel. My running companions kept soda on them and when I ran out, I would pop the can and I'd drink half, then get them to put the rest into my bottle. I fueled most of the night on that. Another amazing part of the night was a military couple with their 16-year-old son and best friend who came out to run with me through the deepest longest hours of the night. We had such a wonderful conversation and I loved getting to know the boys. Honestly how many 16 yr olds would stay out overnight to run with an old sweaty stinky lady?? It was really special, and I hoped the miles were as meaningful to them as they were to me. I imparted some mom runner wisdom to them and don't do drugs, with my pot gummy story from 5 Lakes, lol. The Dad is in the military, and we had a good talk about suicide in the service. The Washington monument was in nearly perfect alignment with the moon and Jupiter in the dark early morning hours, just a spectacular view. On probably the last dark loop before dawn we all detoured off the mall because I wanted to run the WWI memorial. I feel like its overlooked and yet so many millions of lives were lost in that war, it's so important to never forget. I LOVED that there was a little British flag alongside an American flag on that stretch, some other country but it reminded me of Derry and that I knew he was out in spirit! I was feeling pretty crappy as we got off the mall and headed towards the White House. There was nowhere to pee so the blue runners made a line blocking the road from view and I ditched behind a parking bench, still in the light of the streetlights. I'm sure that has to be on some security camera someplace. I sat down by myself and tried to throw up to feel better. Just dry heaved, nothing was in my stomach. I suppose that was a good thing, better than puking up the Ginger Ale and chicken soup I'd been fueling on all night. The WWI memorial felt even more special with friends.

I was thrilled that my wonderful friend Keri Jacobs from 22 Too Many came out to do the last miles with me and the group I was running with. Shes incredibly special to me. When I tenatively began reaching out to veterans groups to honor Dexter, I remember telling her I wasnt sure that Dexter should be included in her wall of heroes at 22 Too Many. He had died from a mental illness and suicide, not on a battlefield and somehow I felt maybe he wasn't deserving of recognition other than what I as his mother wanted to give him. Keri helped me understand that Dexters story wasn't unique, that there were many just like him who did not get the support they needed from the military, and because they signed their name on the dotted line to preserve and protect our country, and were hurt from their service, they are just as deserving as any to be treated with respect and honor. In fact, more suicides occur among military members who have not been in war than actually have. Her compassion and understanding helped me have courage to step out and begin telling Dexters full story. It was so incredibly special to have her along to finish the Warrior 100 for military & veteran suicide awareness.

As we approached dawn someone suggested I might like to make the run out to the Jefferson Memorial, which wasn't on the loop we planned. I absolutely wanted to and was glad someone had thought of it. As we were approaching the memorial, and older gentleman was out running with his 'friend'... Lisa took off after them saying “Oh look, it's so & so!” She and Dan sprinted off after them. I just assumed it was someone they were connected to with Wear Blue and the rest of us made our way to see Jefferson. It felt so sacred to be there. I had the interior of the dome to myself as I slowed down and walked to Jeffersons statue. I felt like putting my hand over my heart, or saluting, or offering some kind of tribute, so I just uttered a thank you. Then walked around the inside of the dome, slowly enough to catch the immortal words that have always meant so much to me! I've always had so much respect and love for Thomas Jefferson. A life filled with grief, honor, character, patriotism, no matter what the history revisionists say. "...I have sworn upon the altar of God eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man."

"We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness...And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine providence, we mutually pledge our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor."

"God who gave us life gave us liberty. Can the liberties of a nation be secure when we have removed a conviction that these liberties are the gift of God? Indeed I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just, that his justice cannot sleep forever.

So moving. The View of the Washington Memorial coming out of the dome was spectacular and I loved that these great tributes to some of the greatest men who ever lived, look across the water at each other. <3

One thing I loved about the last loops as the sun rose was, I had Donna and Dan the photographer back with me, both people who were so fun and made me feel super comfortable being in a late 100-mile wrecked state of mind and body. They leapt out at traffic lights to make sure cars stopped. They grabbed me at traffic crossings, so I didn't step out in front of moving cars. Dan and another guy let me hold their arms crossing the street up and down the curbs. I joked they were boy scouts helping an old lady across the road. I was just surrounded by this team of living angels in blue. Having Lisa come out and run in the last miles with me was such an honor. More than anything, I did not want to let her down. She'd placed tremendous trust in me.

I finally had to stop talking for a sore throat and to put all my energy into my legs to keep going. As I ran ahead just a little, their shadows made 5 long shadows on the ground next to me and as I watched them I could almost visualize and feel my Marines, also out running with us. A brief but powerful feeling of presence. When I realized I was coming up on 8am at around 90 miles, I decided I wanted to push to get in 94 miles by the 24 hour mark. Dexter was born in 1994 and that would be a meaningful milestone for me. I asked Donna to tell me to shut up if I started talking and we picked up the pace with Dan letting me know I was on track. She had to remind me multiple times to "save my voice" lol. I'd been praying all night my hydration would level out and finally by mile 90 it did, so I wasn't peeing every 10 minutes. Especially helpful in Monday rush hour traffic! We made it around the backside of the capitol and to mile 93, when Jason called my phone. I ignored it, and when he called again, I had someone tell him I couldn't talk. I snagged my phone back for my music and pushed the last mile. As I was nearing the 94 mi/24 hr mark, off to my left I saw a flash of white and an albino squirrel came running down the tree right near us. I just felt so much a laugh and a push at my back to finish. SSgt Taylor Wilson. His son Gabe says a squirrel is his spirit animal because he's "such a nut." What's the likelihood, really.

Brought it in to 94 miles just under 24 hours. My song for my heroes started on my playlist and even Lisa picked up on the lyrics for a FB story. In my book that timing was no cooincidence. <3 “Rise from the blood of your heroes You were the ones who refused to surrender Know that your memory Will be sung for a century”

Jason happened to meet us right there, just in time for some A&D ointment for painful chafing.

6 more miles, on track for a sub 26. I thought if it hadn't been for the heat & the throng of people at the end of the Marine Corps Marathon, and talking all the additional 73.8 miles I probably could have easily gone sub 25, but all things considered I was feeling great to have done better than expected. My body felt better and I wasn't peeing like a puppy. Donna was carrying a baggie of pineapple chunks for me, I had a dime sized canker sore on my tongue that stung like crazy but it tasted sooo good. Every mile I tried to eat a couple chunks and take a swig of Ginger le as we did our last climb up the steps to see Lincoln again. I took a few minutes to pause and read the Gettysburg Address. I wanted these words to be a part of this Warrior 100.

“It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us—that from these honored dead, we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion—that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain.”

Telling Lisa about Lincoln and the death of his son Willy, and what he called his process of crystallization. since I only had 2 brain cells left, I'll include it here in a bit more detail, lol. "Though at the war’s beginning, Lincoln promised to not touch slavery where it existed, all of that changed with the death of his sweet eleven year-old son, Willie, which left an already war-humbled Lincoln completely shattered. But the tragedy brought Lincoln to his knees in prayer like never before. That, and the powerful spiritual encouragement he gained through the teachings of a Christian nurse brought in to care for the family in the wake of Willie’s death, left him a changed man forever. The result: revelations from God began arriving. He started to see the war in a different light, a spiritual light. Much to the concern of his cabinet, he began claiming, “I talk to God.” At one point in September 1862, he even made what he called “a covenant” with God. Give us victory in this upcoming battle, he pleaded to Heaven, and I will turn this war into a holy endeavor. I will begin with freeing the slaves—I will issue the Emancipation Proclamation. " From that moment the tide of war changed to victory for the Union army.

Helping me off the stairs, I was a little wobbly!

Well, after Lincoln we headed to the finish line at the Marie Corps Memorial monument. We were a little short on our mileage, so I looped up to the Women's Memorial and back to the road along Arlington cemetery. crossing the bridge, a woman joined us for a short time. I didn't catch her name, but she had run out to thank me for what I was doing. Her Bro in law, a veteran, is in crisis and in danger of suicide. We talked and as she told me her story, I just prayed for him, that he would get the help he needed and survive. Such a helpless terrible feeling to watch that spiral, my heart just ached so much for her. I was so grateful she shared her burden with me, and I hoped she at least knew she was not alone in the struggle.

I joked with Dan that this was our only river crossing.

Heading to the Marine Corps Monument, encountered a security guard for Arlington who had been out with us all night long. Mike was running with us and told him what I was doing. He came up to me and thanked me and gave me a hug and told me I was as tough as woodpecker lips. It was one of the greatest compliments I've ever received, lol.

The autumn leaves stood out with vivid color against the backdrop of tens of thousands of white headstones. It was so beautiful and somber. We rounded the corner, a mile short, so we pushed up a big hill to do a full circle on the outskirts of the finish line so that I could hit 100 miles at the monument.

Lisa warned me that the gentleman she had run off after at the Jefferson Memorial, was actually the Presidentially appointed Secretary of Veterans Affairs, Denis Mcdonough, and that there was a chance he might be at my finish line. What? I got super nervous, knowing I was sweaty and smelly and overall wrecked coming in at 100 miles, but we were there, so I rounded the corner to finish proudly, when I saw lined up, a blue ribbon set up for me to run through and a mini blue mile, with American flags held by my pacers in Wear Blue shirts, and each of the Marines I've been carrying with some of theirs, lined up on both sides. I just felt tears start streaming down my face. I wasn't expecting it, and when I saw Dexter as I broke through the ribbon, I choked out a sob. I had to lay on the ground and just...be done...and absorb the moment and thank God for the strength of a solid finish, approx. 25 hrs. & 35 minutes. My second fastest 100 miler.

After a few minutes of gathering my composure and catching my breath and absorbing the moment, I was just overwhelmed with gratitude and took in all the faces around me who had been such a support through the last difficult miles. Jason helped me to my feet and I got super self conscious when Secretary Mcdonough walked up the stairs of the monument. We talked for several minutes & I can't remember everything he said except that on behalf of a grateful nation, he thanked Dexter for his service to our country, and thanked me for what I was doing. He gave me, not the tacky $5 buckle I'd bought myself off Temu for this 100 miler, but a gorgeous steel, custom made, Warrior 100 buckle, a total surprise, from Wear Blue. Also, a challenge coin from the Department of Veterans Affairs. I was so humbled and I hugged him like 3 times. Just such an incredibly kind man and really, so genuine. He would have had to change, showed, get in his suit and come right out to meet us at the memorial to present me with the buckle, dropping whatever was on his schedule for 9:30 am Monday morning, and he did just that. Just, wow. Speechless. The fact we randomly ran across him as we started into the 90 miles as we were both out running, I don't believe is coincidence.

Well, after lots of pics, hugs, chatting and me just grinning till my face hurt, it was time to wrap up.

These two. <3 <3 <3 <3 Doing all the work behind the scenes. I couldn't have done it without them, especially Mike who probably drove as far as I ran, trying to keep me well cared for. Unsung hero!

I was helped to the car by Jason and Beth, LT General Stitt's wife, and we drove to her home at the nearby Army base, Fort Myer. I was dead in the front seat but miraculously we got through on hers and Jasons ID without any trouble. They helped me into the house and up the stairs and I'm thinking, I can't believe I'm dragging my disgusting carcass into the house and popping blisters and taking a shower in the home of a 3 star general, haha. Beth had spent the morning running with us, was at the finish and was so hospitable. We sat on the couch for a few minutes and she gave me cashews, ice cold water and a huge unopened bag of BBQ chips. We had to meet Mike one last time outside so we talked a bit outside, listening to the firearm practice of soldiers until it was time to go. Acorns were dropping and I thought they were shells. Gorgeous autumn day. I think those minutes in front of Beths house were some of the most meaningful of the weekend. She told us that until the dinner on Friday where we'd spoken and I'd talked about Dexter, Undersecretary Vazirani had never spoken publicly about the suicides in his family. He'd always said his father died of a heart attack. Also her husband had only lost 1 soldier to suicide but had never said their name since. In the Circle of remembrance in Arlington, she said she was floored when he spoke their name. Those 2 personal moments, a change in their lives about suicide....from this Warrior 100 challenge. So incredibly powerful. I just had no words.

Finally, Mike came with something he had for me. Apparently, he saw the security guard I'd met earlier, again (I think - might have been the same time), the guard gave him a green ammunition shell and said that it was the one he was given as the last one he fired while 'performing his duty' for Arlington funerals. Something he's been carrying with him regularly, not something he had to dig out of his locker. He wanted it to be a gift to me. I could not have asked for a more personal or prized gift to take home with me. It meant so much. I could only reflect that his life had probably been touched by suicide at some point, to part with something precious to him as that little shell. It was all just so overwhelming. I got my appetite back and ate nearly the entire bag of Beths chips on the way home. I dozed off but Jason woke me up, stopping at the cemetery to show Dexter my MCM medal and Warrior 100 buckle. I'd been riding a high all weekend, and emotions crashed over me at Dexters grave. We've been through so much the past few years trying to raise awareness together, and here we were, taking his story and voice to a higher level than ultramarathons, in a nearly perfect weekend in Washington DC. A cry of loss, missing, relief and gratitude.

It's taken me several days to wrap my mind around the events and I'm still just emotionally overwhelmed and so so thankful. I feel an increased need and desire to work harder to make a difference, to support Wear Blue and help develop that incredible community, to spread awareness and support for military families and victims of suicide, and to start the next leg of my journey. I have my #61 100 miler in 8 days. I wish I could write a long letter of thanks to every single person and runner and friend/family at home who supported me this weekend. I think the best gift I can give though, is to pay it forward so I'm going to start by holding a circle of remembrance at my next 100 on Veterans Day, the last day of the Warrior 100 challenge. I have to have a little tutorial by staff to know how to do it, but I'm doing that Monday and would also like to try to start up a group in my area. The local circle of remembrance and Saturday walk/runs are the heart of Wear Blue, so Mike tells me.

Thank you to LCpl Jacob Crewson, Ssgt Taylor Wilson, PFC Morgan Daly, Sgt Jacob Gray and Dexter. I think in heaven it was all hands on deck this weekend for Wear Blue and at different times I felt each of their presence, deeply and strongly, with love as if they were my own adopted sons. I know we will move forward and continue to raise awareness and try to save more lives of their brothers in arms.