I've run this race 3x in the past. failed my first attempt and finished twice. It's a difficult course, considered one of the hardest on the east coast. Warm and humid, technical in many sections with a tight cut-off of 36 hrs. It's a UTMB, Western States and Hard Rock qualifier and I dream of taking Dexter and my marines to one of those elite course. UTMB in France /Switzerland would be radically awesome. This was my 4th attempt of this course. Previous years I had Jason's help and he did a good job of supporting me, and the two finishes I had were largely due to having excellent pacers who knew how to crack the proverbial whip and keep me moving. This race is where I met my business partner at Froggy Mountain, Paul Tilley. We became fast friends after a grueling 50 miles on this course. That meeting changed my life in ways I couldn't possibly understand back then, so it will always mean so much to me!
I had some possibilities of support for this race but ended up going into it completely solo, which was intimidating. I knew I had to be on my game to squeak out a finish at this world class event because I'm not a fast runner. Kevin snagged a pre-race photo for me with my pack at Froggy Mountain, just in case I didn't get one at the start.
Before the race I drove up to my former beautiful home in Berryville. It is now kind of a sad shadow of itself. All the wonderful plants and trees I'd planted, without a gardener's care, are wild and overgrown. Everywhere are reminders of things I created, touched, loved. Every inch of that place was my home but now I'm a stranger there. It's a sad thing to see an old life. I didn't stay long, just long enough to gather a handful of Christmas things that I probably won't even keep, but was not ready to let go of yet. It was good to see my boys. They've grown older in such a short time. I'm so proud of them. They are each exceptional young men in their own ways.
I don't feel like I'm much a part of their lives anymore and my heart aches over that loss, but, they are also adults so that time would have come with or without a divorce. Still, it did a number on me and I cried all the way to spend the night pre-race in Fort Valley VA. I thought about sleeping in my car, but Kevin's sister Julia and her husband Pierre almost feel like family to me and I didn't want to back out from their offer of a visit. Julia met me with a big hug and empathy and the three of us has a great time staying up talking. They are the gold star parents of PFC Dillon Jutras, a special forces Army ranger who was killed in Iraq. As an angel mom and all-around homesteading type woman, we are fast friends. I love that they've come into my life. She's someone I can talk safely to about the struggles of being a grieving mom.
Julia put me up in a beautiful guest room in a normal sized bed, way more comfortable than my camper bench "bed" lol. I took advantage of a nice big clean indoor bathroom, unlike my outdoor shower or tight little camper bathroom, and taped up and got dressed for the race there. We sat outside among her beautiful house plants and talked about our families and sons and all kinds of things. Then she sent me off to the race with her homemade sourdough, peanut butter & raw honey & pumpkin cake. Perfect pre-race carbs 😍
Made it to the start @ Natural Bridge State Park in Virginia, home of some very beautiful rock formations, with plenty of time to try and get a nap. I was still pretty wound up emotionally and did more eating than sleeping. I ate enough calories to not have to worry about fueling the first 20 miles, lol. I was very excited to run into an Army Ranger friend, Aaron, also running the race. He is familiar with Dillons story with some connections through friends so it was really cool and special to talk to him after hanging out with Dillons parents.
Pre race I also ran into a friend, Dave. I met him at Grindstone my first attempt and DNF. We walked about 10 miles together to 50 where he dropped. He had a son struggling with mental health and suicide ideation so we really resonated with each other back in 2021. He'd encouraged me to push the cutoff and at least take Dexter to 100k, which I did. Well, he recognized me and gave me a big hug, there with his son who is doing very well. Heartbreakingly he shared that his wife though, had died from suicide in the spring. What a punch in the gut. Felt the tears come as he told me about it, and he was there wearing his suicide awareness bracelets. Just broke my heart. I didn't get to see him again but was so glad we could take a moment to grieve together and understand one another's suffering.
My excellent friend Amy who supported me so much throughout Shippey100 and geared me up with high end winter gear was also running solo. We spent a few minutes together at the start and planned to run some together. Also caught Aaron again at the start. Even though I showed up solo, it made me feel so happy to find friends.
Felt great starting the race. Temps were very humid but the sun was low and mostly veiled by clouds so the 6 mile stretch on road to the foothills of the George Washington National Forest were smooth and quick. I'd hoped to get some new-used shoes prior to the race but ended up just drilling screws into my old hokas. I ran a bit slower in the grass to help preserve the screws for the trail and to go easy on my knees which have been giving me some trouble.
The night started to feel more comfortable by mile 6 as we hit the trail and started the first steep extended climb up to the technical trail along the Ridgeline. I was near the back of the pack but wanted to just stay at a comfortable pace and not sweat too much or trip on the rocks. There's several miles of fun, non technical rolling hills before hitting a steep climb and descent in a tough 9.5 mile section. I was fueling and hydrating well but the humidity was draining everyone. It was kind of a shock to arrive at a critical aid station about 20 miles in after and find they had run out of water!!! It was disappointing because it happened last year too and could potentially be dangerous. We had 5+ more miles to get to the next aid station. They promised water would arrive in about 10 minutes. I glanced around and saw the pickle jar still had some juice in it. It had been overlooked. I drank down about 10 oz and ate one and a half oranges, literally only a handful of those left for other runners or I would have eaten them all! I was incredibly thirsty but those were the only items available with any hydration in them. I knew time on the course would be tight, so I opted to continue. It was the right decision because I later found out that Aaron, who chose to wait, ended up waiting 20 minutes and missing the cutoff by 4 minutes at the next aid station. He was so angry at getting cut for UTMB's big water screwup that he left the race. I prayed while I ran that maybe I could find a water bottle or something. About 1.5 miles along the next stretch, I spotted some shiny mud and stopped. It was actually a rain puddle about 6 inches deep. I was able to pour a bottle of water over my head to cool off, drink 16 oz and refill both my bottles. That saved my race. I only beat that next cutoff by 7 minutes. I was also short on calories but found some calorie laden, caffeine heavy gum package that I scrounged up. At the next aid station another sleepy runner was begging for caffeine, so it was cool to pull out the gum I'd found and share, ha!
I don't remember much about the rest of the first night. Comfortable temps played music and sang songs all night. There was 1 song Kevin played for me a few weeks back I'd forgotten was added to my playlist. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I bawled my eyes out.
https://youtu.be/YzmC7U57fQk?si=XnfJ_gKV8Q8bNm6_ "Mom if you can hear me, I think I made it
Twenty thousand fans from the stage I'm standing on
I want you to know I appreciate it
One day I'll come home we can celebrate"
Runners had spread out so I was alone most of the night. Ate a lot of grilled cheese, bananas and bacon. My legs handled the climb well and the hours went by quickly I was happy to hit the worst of the technical sections the daytime hours on Saturday. The weather was dry so the sketchy rock gardens weren't as slippery as in past years, and the screws In my shoes helped tremendously with traction. The climbs weren't as hard, steep wise, with the elevation training I've been doing but I'm still very slow over crumbling rocky sections where the footing is unstable. The aid stations stations were much better than last year. A lot of good food and snacks, the only problem is that the food at all the aid stations was identical so as the hours went on, the food looked tiresome and monotonous and got harder to eat. I was sugared out so mostly drink water and took salt pills. There's one steep descent on very loose dirt and rubble. Many runners slide off the edge of the trail. I was happy I didn't fall but it took a long time.
As the day wore on the sun was hot and everyone was suffering. I had a little sunstroke as I went through the aid station at about 100K, cutoffs were still too tight, making each with less than 10-20 minutes to spare. At some point in the heat, Kevin called to give me encouragement. I told him how the finish line was on Dexter's daughter, Aurora's birthday. I haven't been allowed to see her since she was 1 years old. She was turning 9 on Sunday. Kevin told me I had to get that 3rd Grindstone buckle for Aurora. He's been telling me for months that I'm supposed to write a book for teenage girls. It later hit me hard that it's Aurora I need to write that book for. After we talked, I felt determined to fight this miserable course to the finish.
I expressed out loud at the aid station that I wished it would rain. I started the steepest climb of the course then in thick humidity. Within 10 minutes I was pushing towards the ridgeline in pouring rain with strong enough to knock over trees, and then pea-sized hail as I reached the top of the climb. I scrambled for my poncho and warm clothes as temperatures dropped radically. I could feel the hail sting through my poncho, but at least I had a poncho! Many runners were running without shirts in the heat, and their bare skin was being pelted by that hail. It must have been very uncomfortable!
Nearing dusk the rain continued & it remained cold. The second half of the race cutoffs loosen up a bit but mathematically I didn't have time to spare, had to continually move forward. I was exhausted, nauseous, shivering, and my mental state had deteriorated as I rolled into the 80ish mile aid station. I was so exhausted I just needed a place near a fire to lay down and close my eyes for a few minutes. I also needed help trying to figure out what fuel I could eat and how many calories I needed to carry to the next aid station. I looked several people ( volunteers, crew, race staff, I don't know!) in the eye and asked for help. food, a place to sit, a place to lay. There were a dozen people and nobody helped, they just looked at me. I threw my wet coat into the gravel ground helplessly and just laid on it. In a few minutes I was shivering so I got back up and left the aid station with nothing but some ginger ale water in my bottle for a 9.7 mile stretch.
We'd descended to a lower mountain and temperatures rose so the forest was muggy, warm and sticky and I was sweating like crazy. The solid climb and solid descent 4+ mi each in this section was laborious. The descent felt never ending. It was so difficult; it took me 5 hours. Still, I was continually passing people as runners were dropping quickly. I believe by the end of the race there were over 160 dropouts. With just 2 6–7-mile sections left I felt confident in finishing, as I pushed through the wee hours of Sunday morning and my second night with no sleep. Sleep deprived, hallucinating, myself and other runners climbing through fallen trees from the storm, I was pretty sure that one was a dinosaur! I took several 2-minute-long trail naps. The heat from the sun Saturday finally caught up to me and the last stretch of trail turned into a vomiting zombie march. I was complete depleted of all I had. I used every drop of energy I had and pushed forward until I couldn't go another step. There was still 9 miles to go on the "104 mi" course. (My watch at the end read 108, consistent with last year's tracking.) I found a large tree and determined to die beside it. Ok, not actually die, but I would lay there and close my eyes until someone came to get me, or I'd had all the sleep I needed and could walk to the next aid station. I knew in my mind that my race was over, and I didn't care. I essentially quit. I'm not proud of that, but I was completely defeated. However, the course was not done with me. Less than 5 minutes later a runner came by with her pacer. The pacer stopped and offered to help me but I refused help. He wouldn't let me be. He told me we only had one big climb left and then it was all downhill to the finish. He gave me hope that I could finish this. He helped me up and kept turning back over the next few miles to make sure I was following him. I really needed a pacer for this course and Dexter sent me one just when I needed him.
I was so relieved to get through the last aid knowing I had just about all road miles left and only the finish line to reach. The course in the mountains was well marked but the road was harder to follow. I was grateful when a guy I'd been running near caught up to me and we put both our brains together to take it into the finish line. It was foggy, chilly and surreal. I crossed the finish with about 25 minutes to spare. Honestly the finish line was kind of lonely and impersonal. I had to take my own finish picture.
Amy rolled into the finish maybe 8 minutes behind me. We never ran together because we were both fighting internal battles and our nausea and pain caves were deep. I was happy to be at her finish line!
We grabbed some post race sandwiches and limped the long long way to our cars. Parking is ridiculously far from the finish line! Kevin called to check on me at some point and I took a nap and drove home. It was really anticlimactic. Hot shower, quiet camper, long sleep, I had to get up the next morning and start my new job as a personal shopper at our local grocery store on swollen sore feet and legs. Seeing my old house, alone at my race, starting a job, it all felt like too much. I know I'm just in a transition time and hard races make me emotional, so I really struggled with my heart. I worked 4 full days with my feet hurting after Grindstone and 5 days later was on a flight to Colorado for the Sangre De Cristo 100, 6 days after Grindstone. I was especially grateful for the time I spent with Dillons family before this race to remind me of my reasons for being out wearing blue and honoring through action. PFC James Dexter Morris SSgt Taylor Lane Wilson Sgt Jacob M Gray LCpl Jacob Crewson PFC Morgan Daly PFC Dillon Jutras.
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